So that's what "friends" are for...

Short Talk: I just tried to kill myself by showering in this freezing weather.


I have friends, and I had "friends".


My friends were the ones that stood by me no matter what.

My "friends" on the other hand, can play a rather big joke on me without telling me the truth, ever!! You may think this is funny but I don't. There are times for jokes and times to be serious. And when I'm serious, you better be serious too.


I often make mistakes and offend others although most times I didn't mean it. I'm just not the type of person who has very high EQ or knows the situation just by looking at it.

My friends would often hint me or even tell me what I was doing wrong and I would try my best to change.

From the moment I met "them", I tried my best to get close to them, to be their friend. But due to my natural tendancy to somehow piss people off, "they" would sometimes stab me with words. And because I treated "them" as my friends, those words went right through my heart, without mercy. And who knows how many backstabs I've received already?

To be ignored by a friend is the worst feeling ever!! When you know you're the only one who's being left out, the only one whom nobody would talk to, the only one whom the truth is never to be told, how does that make you feel?

I had a savior. The savior was the one who couldn't resist how my "friends" treated me and told me everything I was doing wrong. The savior has taught me lots by doing so and I was very grateful to the savior. The savior gained my utmost trust.

My friends would always give me useful advice when I had a problem.

My "friends" would offer something of the opposite eventhough it was concerning my future. And I trusted "them" because I was pretty sure that "they" knew what consequences it would bring. But I just can't believe that the savior just played along, treating it as a joke of some sort, of which again, I took VERY SERIOUSLY.

Although I may seem like a person to be fooled around, to play pranks on, and always smiling despite being offended on purpose, but I do not take friendship as a joke. When I treat someone sincerely, with all my heart I hope that he/she will do the same.

The little things that "you" do, no matter how small or how insignificant it might be, will always be the main indicator of how sincere "you" are to me. It's not that I'm not forgiving, but it's just the way "you" make me feel when I'm around "you".

"You" do not treat me as a toy to express your "humour" and I'm not someone "you" can just make fun of. I will not always be the one who "fills in" for your trips JUST to reduce the shared cost. I will not be the one to be invited ONLY as a last resort and to "fill in" the gaps. If "you" were truly sincere, I hope that you show it.

Despite all this shit, I'm still faithfully awaiting for the one True Friend to appear in my life.

Once, a very good friend of mine made me feel like I'm just another guy he met on the streets. So I wrote this poem. This is how seriously I take friendship.


I know I've had my shortcomings, I know I've made a lot of mistakes, and I know I do not deserve to be "your" friend anymore. And if "you" were really so desperate to bury me in deep shit, I shall leave for the greater good.

After all, a zero is always better than a negative.


If I was the negative in "your" eyes, I'd rather leave and be the zero.

And if "you" are going to put a negative in my life because of that, I'd rather leave and start again from zero.

I gave "you" my trust and "you" threw it away.

Trust, is hard to earn, and once lost, is not easily regained.

Thanks for everything and goodbye.


***Disclaimer: I did not mention any names in this post so if you think that person is you, think otherwise. Only the people who were involved knows its them.***